the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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