Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
