I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize