she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
