she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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