I heard we made out
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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