I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
