I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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