he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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