Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
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