There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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