with your own penis?
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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