I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
