theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
