I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
this is an emotional support booty call
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
