All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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