I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
