is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
