he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
