it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
