I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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