I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Are we still banned from the library?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
