i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
