Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
