It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
