My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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