last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
