New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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