I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
