he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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