I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
