why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize