It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
