She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
