Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
