his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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