is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
