her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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