well I can't set my house on fire every night
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize