I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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