something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
