I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
