did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
