went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
