Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
