Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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