Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize