I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
