when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
