The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
