So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
