took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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