I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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