like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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