My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
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