Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
