He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
