Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
