hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
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