It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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