He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
