I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize