i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize