I wish life had little blips of pornography
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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