I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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