Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Say something about gay babies.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
