Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
