I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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