Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
