And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
