what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
