i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
