Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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