garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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